Letters to Young People – On Being Imperfect – On Spousal Abuse, continued
The following information was reported to be found on Dr. Phil’s website, http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/543
Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you.
Abusers are able to control their behavior – they do it all the time
▪ Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse. They don’t insult, threaten, or assault everyone in their life who gives them grief. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love.
▪ Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse. They control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. They may act like everything is fine in public, but lash out instantly as soon as you’re alone.
▪ Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them. Most abusers are not out of control. In fact, they’re able to immediately stop their abusive behavior when it’s to their advantage to do so (for example, when the police show up or their boss calls).
▪ Violent abusers usually direct their blows where they won’t show. Rather than acting out in a mindless rage, many physically violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where the bruises and marks won’t show.
You may be thinking that this series on spousal abuse is a bit “overkill.” However, if you peruse the article, Behind the Veil: Inside the Mind of Men “That Abuse”: Domestic violence and unmasking the terror of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, published on February 5, 2013 by John G. Taylor, MA in The Reality Corner (according to http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-reality-corner/201302/behind-the-veil-inside-the-mind-men-abuse/ ) you may be surprised at how prevalent and devastating it is.
Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury to women sending over 1 million every year to doctor’s offices or emergency rooms [bold added for emphasis, and I assume that these figures are derived from US statistics. RMR].