Spousal Abuse

Spousal Abuse, continued
What sort of man holds his partner responsible for all the problems in his life? Very rarely will an abusive personality accept responsibility for any negative situation or problem. It is always someone else’s fault. Mind you, this is not uncommon among people in general. People, but the spousal abuser in particular, will fail to see that their feelings stem from their own interpretation of events, but will see them as reactions to others’ behaviour or attitude toward them: “You make me mad,” “You’re hurting me by not doing what I ask,” etc, rather than “I make myself mad about what you do, “ or “The way I choose to interpret your behavior makes me feel hurt.” The spousal abuser’s feelings will then be used to manipulate his partner, i.e. “I would not be angry if you didn’t …” It is like the old sick joke about what all abused women have in common – they just don’t do what they are told.
Positive emotions will often also be seen as originating outside the abuser, but are more difficult to detect. Statements such as “You make me happy” or “You make me feel good about myself” are also signs that the abuser feels you are responsible for his sense of well-being. Either way, you become, in his mind, the cause of good and bad feelings and are therefore responsible for his emotional well-being and happiness. Consequently, you are also to blame for any negative feelings such as anger, upset or depression.
Note that most of this information about spousal abuse does not originate froom me, and I will try to remember to provide the sources/references at some point.

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