Spousal Abuse, continued
There are a number of other characteristics that are found among the spousal abuser group:, such as jealousy (At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say the jealousy is a sign of love, but jealousy is not proof of love, it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness) and hypersensitivity (Most abusers have very low self-esteem and are therefore easily insulted or upset. They may view your preference for something which differs from their own preferences as a criticism of their taste and therefore themselves, e.g., blue wallpaper rather than pink, etc., and cruelty and/or lack of empathy as it relates to anyone or anything other than themselves, e.g., adults and children and/or animals.
Of course, there is also the fact that some men are abusive because they don’t know any better. For example, many an abuser, when his spouse finally leaves him (taking the kids with her, for their protection), is outraged that she could do such a thing, and will set out to make her life as difficult as possible. If she cares about the children, he will do whatever he can to destroy their relationship with her, unaware of the harm that will inflict upon them – and some may never be able to grasp that they are setting the children up for emotional problems later in life. This is known as parental alienaion, and it can be devestating. Of course, this is a pattern that should be eschewed by the spouse as well, since it is best if the children can have a good relationship with both of their parents.