Having pulled together a bunch of (what I think of as) interesting stuff for an upcoming presentation, I think that I will share some of it with all and sundry through this blog. Here is the first bit:
I don’t remember where this set of therapist guidelines comes from, but it is probably from Carkhuff’s Helping and Human Relations or Egan’s The Skilled Helper.
In the following set of items (i.e., Emotional Support), it is to be understood that what we are interested in is what the helper’s response communicates, not in what he understands or in what he actually feels for the other person. It is desirable that the helper is functions at a Level 5 in each of these ways.
EXPRESSED EMPATHIC UNDERSTANDING
- Is quite unable to hear and/or accept the feelings expressed by the other person. Imposes own ideas and/or feelings.
- Subtracts noticeably from the other’s feelings.
- Matches/acknowledges the other’s expressed feelings.
- Goes beyond the other’s expressed feelings, communicating some understanding of the feelings which the other has but has not been able to express.
- Communicates a deep understanding and acceptance of the other person’s feelings.
- Communicates a lack of respect for the other person’s feelings and potentials.
- Fails to communicate respect for the other person’s feelings and potentials.
- Communicates respects for the other person’s feelings and potentials.
- Communicates respect and concern for the other person.
- Communicates deep respect and concern for the other person. For example, his or her
response shows that he or she really values and delights in the other person.
- Communicates to the other person that he or she is just playing a “helper” role, that he or she is just going through the motions as it were.
- Sounds somewhat impersonal or “distanced” from the situation.
- Sounds sincere but, beyond that, communicates little real involvement with the other.
- Shares his or her own feelings as appropriate in such a way as to open up the lines of
communication between him- or herself and the other.
- Levels with him- or herself and the other in a way that is not judgmental.
- Rebuffs any attempts by the other to get to know him or her.
- Responds to direct questions about him- or herself as appropriate, but doesn’t volunteer any information about himself unless asked.
- Volunteers personal information about him- or herself as appropriate.
- Discusses personal feelings, beliefs and values in whatever depth is appropriate.
- Allows the other person to become intimately acquainted with him or her.