PASTOR SEARCH COMMITTEE REPORT
In our search for a suitable pastor, the following scratch sheet was developed for your perusal. Of the candidates investigated by the committee, only one was found to be acceptable. The list contains the names of the candidates and comments on each, should you be interested in investigating them further for future pastoral placements.
NOAH: He has 120 years of preaching experience, but no converts.
MOSES: He stutters; and his former congregation says he loses his temper over trivial things.
ABRAHAM: He took off to Egypt during hard times. We heard that he got into trouble with the authorities and then tried to lie his way out.
DAVID: He is an unacceptable moral character. He might have been considered for minister of music had he not ‘fallen.’
SOLOMON: He has a reputation for wisdom but fails to practice what he preaches.
ELIJAH: He proved to be inconsistent, and is known to fold under pressure.
HOSEA: His family life is in a shambles. Divorced, and remarried to a prostitute.
JEREMIAH: He is too emotional, alarmist; some say a real ‘pain in the neck.’
AMOS: Comes from a farming background. Better off picking figs.
JOHN: He says he is a Baptist but lacks tact and dresses like a hippie. He would not feel comfortable at our church potluck suppers.
PETER: Has a bad temper, and was heard to have even denied Christ publicly.
PAUL: We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh, and he preaches far too long.
TIMOTHY: He has potential, but is much too young for the position.
JESUS: He tends to offend church members with his preaching, especially Bible scholars. He is also too controversial; people either love him or they hate him, or they love him one day and hate him the next. He has even offended some members of the search committee with his pointed questions.
JUDAS: He seemed to be very practical, co-operative, good with money, cares for the poor, and dresses well. The committee all agreed that he is just the man we are looking for to fill the vacancy as our Senior Pastor.
Thank you for all you have done in helping to make our pastoral search politically correct.