Guidelines for Enlightenment by Swami Beyondananda
- Be a Fundamentalist–make sure the Fun always comes before
the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will
never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided, and the
reason why we are put in the material world is to get more
material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will
ensure regular hilarity.
- Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just
for entering – so you are already a winner!
- The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision.
That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision
to me. That way, if we don’t like the programming we’re
getting, we can simply change the channel.
- Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop.
- It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts,
thought particles tend to get caught between the ears,
causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use
mental floss twice a day. And when you’re tempted to practice
tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami’s Absurdiveness
Training class: *Don’t get even, get odd.*
- If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and
truly live like nomads. That’s where I no mad at you, you no
mad at me. That way, there’ll surely be nomadness on the
planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace
here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will
fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
- I know great earth changes have been predicted for the
future, so if you’re looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice
is simple. When you find a fault, just don’t dwell on it.
- There’s no need to change the world. All we have to do is
toilet train the world, and we’ll never have to change it
- If you’re looking to find the key to the Universe, I have
some bad news and some good news. The bad news is: there is
no key to the Universe. The good news is: it has been left
- Finally, everything I have told you is channelled. That way,
if you don’t like it, it’s not my fault. And remember,
enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So we don’t have to go