Guidelines for Enlightenment by Swami Beyondananda

From: MBECK333@aol.com

Guidelines for Enlightenment by Swami Beyondananda

  1. Be a Fundamentalist–make sure the Fun always comes before

the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will

never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided, and the

reason why we are put in the material world is to get more

material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will

ensure regular hilarity.

 

  1. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just

for entering – so you are already a winner!

 

  1. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision.

That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision

to me. That way, if we don’t like the programming we’re

getting, we can simply change the channel.

 

  1. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop.

 

  1. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts,

thought particles tend to get caught between the ears,

causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use

mental floss twice a day. And when you’re tempted to practice

tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami’s Absurdiveness

Training class: *Don’t get even, get odd.*

 

  1. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and

truly live like nomads. That’s where I no mad at you, you no

mad at me. That way, there’ll surely be nomadness on the

planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace

here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will

fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

 

  1. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the

future, so if you’re looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice

is simple. When you find a fault, just don’t dwell on it.

 

  1. There’s no need to change the world. All we have to do is

toilet train the world, and we’ll never have to change it

again.

 

  1. If you’re looking to find the key to the Universe, I have

some bad news and some good news. The bad news is: there is

no key to the Universe. The good news is: it has been left

unlocked.

 

  1. Finally, everything I have told you is channelled. That way,

if you don’t like it, it’s not my fault. And remember,

enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So we don’t have to go

through channels.

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