Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me alone.
Sex is like air: it’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any.
If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
No one is listening until you fart.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you lend someone 20 bucks I never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Some days you are the dog, and some days you are the hydrant.
Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one of them works.
When you are dead, you don’t know that you were dead. It’s difficult only for others. It’s the same thing when you are stupid.